I'm not holding anything back, so sorry if this is a bit personal.
I am excited because I am going out with friends today. It doesn’t happen very often. Don’t know why I don’t do it more. I organized the whole thing too, of which I am very proud. Actually, I'm not completely sure I have the right day – need to check that, but can’t be bothered – too tired. I better confirm or I am wasting my energy getting ready. Yep, today is the day. I struggle to remember things these days. So I get into the shower. I only shower every three days or so as it is so hard, but I'm going out in public, so better make an effort. I want to look nice for a change – I am sure I still can if I try; some nice clothes, do my hair nice and maybe some makeup. I also usually only shower at night because I feel better in the evening. But I have night sweats, so might get really smelly. I can’t cover myself in perfume as I am now allergic to it. So I have a shower. Going OK. Get out and am so tired I feel like just lying down. But I can’t. I am soaking wet. I also just realize that I have diarrhea and desperately need to go to the toilet. So I use every bit of energy I have to dry myself quickly so I can make the run to the toilet. Diarrhea is a common thing. Hope it stops before I go out. I also have thrush at the moment which the diarrhea isn’t helping. Soooo itchy it is driving me mental. I wonder what gave me diarrhea this time? I don’t think I have eaten anything different. So I am now dry and toileted. One hour until I have to go. My skin is so dry after the shower that I itch all over – distracts me from the itching of the thrush, I guess. So I really need to coat myself with dermatological moisturizing cream to stop the itch. Really don’t have the energy, but it has to be done. OK. Bit less itchy now.
Dressing – it is really cold out and Iought to wear a jumper – but I get hot sweats regularly, so I don’t want to get caught being sweaty. I will often wear a T-shirt and be hot while others are wearing beanies and a scarf. But I also get very cold and can’t warm up at times – so layering it is. Also, I need to hide my ginormous stomach which makes me look like I am six months pregnant due to hormonal problems. After five minutes of staring into my wardrobe, I will just put on what I wore yesterday because I can’t make a decision and am now too exhausted to think about it. Now back to the bathroom as I didn’t clean up due to the quick dash to the toilet. I am losing so much hair that it is clogging up the drain of the shower and it is driving my parent nuts (yes I live with my parents at age 35 out of necessity). So I clean out all of the hair from the shower to stop it from going down the drain. Really don’t have the energy – want to lie down, but I have to do it.
I need to take my temperature (as I do three times a day at the same time each day) so that I know how to dose my thyroid medication. This is one protocol in a long line of different thyroid med protocols I have tried – all to no avail so far. Taking my temp means sitting still for fifteenminutes and not eating or drinking beforehand so I can take an accurate temp. I have to schedule all outings around these three hourly occurrences. This means I can only go out for up to three hours. And it can’t be any time around 11am, 2pm or 5pm – ever, any day of the week! Otherwise, I don’t know how to dose my medication and mess my recovery up according to the current “cure” plan I am following. Oh no – diarrhea is back, stomach grumbling but only five minutes into my fifteen minutes of not moving. Can’t stop time and start again after going to toilet because I have to go out soon and I will run out of time. Just have to hold it in for anotherten minutes – no choice. Temp taken, ran to the toilet, so off to brush my teeth. I don’t know why, but brushing my teeth sends my heart rate up to 160bpm – equivalent to running a marathon. So I am wiped after brushing my teeth. Won’t do my hair – it can dry on its own. And definitely no makeup. The mascara makes my eyes itchy and even more dry than usual and I am already so uncomfortable. I look in the mirror and I am pale, dark circles under my eyes, wet lank hair. Who cares what I look like, I am too tired to deal with it. Going out to chat with my friends with the little energy I have left.
I have to drive to my friend’s house and then spend a couple of hours trying to make conversation and walking through a market. Haven’t even started and am absolutely exhausted. Not really looking forward to it anymore. Maybe I just won’t do it again for another few months.